In light of all the events occurring globally, I felt called to write about a topic that has played a significant role in my life; hate. As you may have noticed, I wrote pain in parenthesis in the headline. From my personal experience with healing and transforming, I have realized that the two coincide, or go hand in hand. One cannot exist without the other. I have also come to understand that one must be deeply hurting in order to hate something, and to hate something one must be deeply hurting. Another thing that comes to mind is that no one likes hate. Hate is like the big bully in class that chooses a different kid each day to pick on. That bully is seriously and deeply hurting.
Is within the hate-
Within that hate
Is an unattended
Everyone loves love. I love love, and I am still learning how to love others in a way that is beyond the layer of our skin, and beyond what I can get. The other day I felt so much hate towards myself, I wanted to crawl out of my skin. But was it hate, or was it something else? Perhaps, it was pain. The pain was so unbearable I wanted to run away from myself. Foster (2017), author of The Way of Rest stated that sometimes when you are trying to heal your pain, or forgive it, or release it, or even “accept” it, what you are secretly trying to do is get rid of it. So there was me, and then there was the hate (pain) that I wanted to remove, the pain I saw as separate. Foster (2017) continues to say that you see the pain as a block to peace and wholeness, or as some kind of cosmic mistake. But it's not! The pain is there for a reason. That pain needs love. Love, love, love.
Love heals hate
Love give hate (pain)
To heal and feel safe
Pain demands truth, a living truth, the truth of today. So today, we bow before our pain, as long as it is here. We see it as a guest, not a threat (Foster, 2017). Understanding that hate stems from an unattended pain, let's take a closer look at how it is similar to that of love. Harmon (2009) a writer for the Scientific American stated that brain scans reveal how hate begins to emerge--and it's not too far from love. If the two are so similar, why does one cause such adverse reactions and perhaps violent internal monologue? Harmon (2009) continues to say that the areas of the putamen and insula that are activated by individual hate are the same as those for romantic love. Two "extreme" polarities actually have a commonality, or perhaps they are not so different. But yet, we treat them differently.
When I began writing this article, I was not sure where it would lead. I am here now, and after reading various articles, and facing "hate (pain)" myself, I realized hate isn't something to be removed, or to discard. It is something to be loved, and to be healed. It looks and feels like a ferocious vindictive monster, yet underneath it is a soft ball of pain aching for unconditional love. The events that take place in our external world are merely a reflection of what is inside of humanity. We talk about hate (pain) and how divisive it is, but how we tend to that hate and pain is most significant. When we tend to that pain, we will find the gifts that have been buried from the depths of our soul for far too long. And when we accept that pain, we can share it with the world and rejoice in our interconnectedness. We can rejoice in loving all facets of ourselves and humanity. So instead of trying to rid the world of hate (pain), how can we nurture this pain? And how can we bring more love into this beautiful world?
Here are some of the questions I would ask in a life coaching session regarding feelings of hate (pain):
What pain are you holding on to?
What does that pain wish to say?
What do you wish to say to that pain?
How could you give yourself more love?
What is one thing you can do for yourself that is loving?
What could you do for another that is loving?
Hold yourself in this space. Let the pain speak. Let love move through you. Breathe in love, exhale everything else.
The Gift of Pain by Paul Brand and Philip Yancey
The Way of Rest: Finding the Courage to Hold Everything in Love by Jeff Foster
Foster, J (2017). The unexpected gifts of pain. Spirituality and Health. Retrieved from: https://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/2017/02/28/unexpected-gifts-pain
Harmon, K. (2009). The origin of hatred. Scientific American. Retrieved from: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-origin-of-hatred/